This Is Us: For Real

The Mazerolle Family

I have, like much of the rest of America been watching the ever-popular show “This is Us.” Each week, the world has waited with eager anticipation to see this ordinary American family make something beautiful out of this thing called life.

We’ve watched as little mistakes became teachable moments, mostly between parent and child. We’ve seen siblings love each other and hate each other, (which we can all relate am i right?). We’ve seen a marriage filled with so much genuine love, that also went through moments where love had to be a hard, fought-for choice, because emotions screamed otherwise. Watching this show has been a breathe of fresh air in so many ways as the writers and creators of this story were able to captivate millions.

And they did this through reality. The reality that life is this tragically beautiful thing. It’s a combination of the sweetest, magical moments we jot down as “those memories to share with our grandkids” and the ruthless curveballs that leave us struck out, defeated, and question why we are even in the batter’s box.

Very early on in the show, we find out that this family lost their dad, but we don’t know when or how. In the latest two episodes (of season 2 for reference), we finally see the climax appear and the aftermath revealed.

Lie through my teeth is what I want to do right here. I want to grin and tell you that watching these last two episodes wasn’t like watching a rerun of my own life 13 years ago. Itching to not confess that after watching the literal heart wrench of the father’s death, that I felt like I just watched a mirror of my past through a television show.

With some obvious detail changes, the premise remains parallel as tears streamed down my face in remembrance.

Remembering when my mom came into the living room of our home with eyes drained of tears and a face tired of anguish as she faced her three unassuming children. Reliving the nightmare of hearing the words “your father has died” and fighting to face the reality that, that phrase was somehow true. Running scenarios through my head of how this could have been different and maybe this was my fault somehow. Ruined by the pain-staking thought of a life I was forced to live now, without my dad. Rigorously trying to be the strong one, seeing it as my responsibility as the oldest child and the daddy’s girl. Wrecked.

It was rough. Oh so rough. As much as the sorrow shared between me and the screen brought back the shattering memory of loss like it was yesterday, it also brought an unimaginable hope.

While recounting and recognizing the years of hurt, healing, sorrow, and joy that trickled on in the aftermath of this life altering event, I also rejoiced. Rejoicing that our story was somehow not over and we all are getting better, too. Much like the Pearson family, we were (and still are) so bruised. Today, this is us. This is my family. This is our story. We aren’t alone. We are not over. We are united together.

The world in its inevitable brokenness didn’t break us even with its cruelest intentions. Because even though the sorrow surely lasted through the night, days, and at times felt like even years, we found joy. Joy came.

Seeing the mom in the story (Rebecca) be coached on her strength by a long time friend, tears began to swell as I saw my own mom. The longer life goes on, the more I see in my mother the clear God-given capacity to love and move forward for our family. She did everything she possibly could to give us the life that wouldn’t be marked by tragedy, but renewed with hope. I know in the show they don’t hold to any particular faith belief, but this is where our healing looks different. It’s by grace alone we have made it to here. And here isn’t this place of arrival per say. Here is just where we are right now. Which is okay. We are okay. We are living this life with everything we’ve got. For me, my sister, my brother, and my mom, that all looks extremely different. My mom still being the most selfless woman I know. My sister being the brains and multi-talented one of the family. My brother having so much drive and integrity in the hard work he does for a living. 13 years later and we are living wildly different lives, but my goodness we are doing it. We are living. And we are trying.

And in Jesus Christ, we have joy. We found joy. We found hope and the greatest strength and love, to carry on.

So I have no idea where you are at in your own story. I presume somewhere along the way, as we all are.

As you lean into today, and tomorrow, and the next day, hold fast to the fact that life is measured far less by a few big moments of brilliance and measured most by many little moments of faithfulness.

This thing called life is a messy one and it will work to pull anything and everything out and away from us. My greatest joy was when I discovered that this world could have it all, but just give me Jesus and I’d be okay. Not okay as in “I’ll never suffer and things will always be peachy keen.” If that was true, then everything I wrote before that sentence about my own story was a lie.

Being okay meaning that He is constant regardless of the inconsistencies and ever-changing circumstances. And with clinging to Him, I could have life and life abundant, no matter what else occurred to try and take that away.

So ya this is us. For real. This is my life and my family kinda laid out bare for you. We are a work in progress. We are getting some things right and a lot of things wrong. We have some really great days and other days that we wish we could erase.

But we are giving this life everything we’ve got and I’m sure as heck proud of that, and I know my dad would be, too.

I share this all with you today not for a sympathy but for a symphony. A symphony of music and lyrics intertwined performing hope. And joy. They both came for me and my family. And Its coming for you to. So hold on. Be brave. Lean in. You don’t have to know the whole journey.

Just take the next step.

P.S. Much like Jack Pearson, my dad was pretty stinking spectacular. We love and miss you so much daddy.

In Great Love,
Meghan

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Fixated

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This is a poem/spoken word I wrote at some point this year. Quite honestly, I don’t even remember writing it. However, I found it again recently and the timing was haunting. My hope is that the truth of who God is would awaken and refresh your heart today, as it so fervently did mine.

I used to get hung up on the make up of me
on my worries, on my fears, on to the world, I would cling.

 

But now my life is different, and my focus has changed
rather than gazing on myself, I fix my eyes on His face.

 

Now before I lose you in the “Christianese” in all of this
Let me be real clear, and I promise ill make it quick.

 

We are living in the already and waiting for the not yet
knowing Jesus finished it all, but left us with a message to expect.

 

Expect the second coming, oh its near, can’t you see
when His kingdom will come to earth and all will finally be redeemed.

 

So in the light of eternity, we are absolutely small
but thanks be to God that says “but yet I still love you, I love you all.”

 

His love is so radical, so fiercely loyal to us
That His Son Jesus went to save us by death, even death on a cross.

 

Oh, but just you wait, the story isn’t through
Because if death was the end, then our eternal fate would be doom.

 

But no, what grace, our victory rings secured
As Christ stood tall over death and the grave whimpered.

 

So what shall we say and do, in response to this call?
Live abundantly ordinary? Like it never happened at all?

 

Oh, my friends. Let us stop and consider.
The freedom we have in Christ, He has called us to a life much richer.

 

A life bigger than ourselves and the media we see
bigger than the latest iphone or instagram live stream.

 

We can live for something that matters, we can leverage our lives well
If we stop settling for good, and ask for God’s best to dwell.

 

Now hear me when I say I’m not a hater of material things
I just want more for us and our lives than the idolization of “ME.”

 

So lets fix our eyes on the things of above
And cling to the goodness of this promise, that He has overcome.

 

He is so good, y’all and that’s never going to change
So may we learn to trust Him, till the end of the age.

 

 

In Great Love,
Meghan

 

Practice these things

 

IMG_4396Getting to work in Honduras everyday is not short of adventures. Traffic is everywhere and traffic laws are more like traffic suggestions. “If you’re not first, you’re last” seems to be the motto of most of the drivers I’ve encountered around these parts. In this chaotic mess everyday, in the almost hour commute to drive 13 miles, you will find me in the very back row of a 15 passenger van. If Im honest, there are lots of mornings I am out like a light because #morningsarehard and its 6:30am. But yet, there are times like friday morning that I pray I submit to happening more often than not.

I opened up to the verse of the day on my bible app and it read:

“What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me–practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” -Philippians 4:9

Immediately I was overtaken with curiosity and opened up to read the verses around for context and answers to sudden lingering questions. Here is the text verses 5-9:

“Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:5-9‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Y’all, reading this text became like this crazy question and immediate response session between the Lord and I. Let me explain!

Ya see, The first verse here says “Let your reasonableness be known by everyone” and my immediate first question is how in the world do we become reasonable and then how would that be most evident to others in a genuine way?

Well, thankfully the text doesn’t end. First thing we are given in the very next verse is the comfort that God is at hand, so we should chill out and not be anxious.

And to combat anxiety, prayer.

Prayer in the tone of thanksgiving over anything and everything. And what happens when we do that?

We have peace, the peace of God that surpasses understanding and really all reason.

So, once we have peace with God, what do we think about and speak about since it’s not our anxieties?

Boom, next verse. Whatever is honorable, true, just, pure, lovely, commendable, anything excellence and worthy of praise (which all of these things are found in the cross of Christ and the person of Jesus).

But that can be hard right? Well, that’s why we are told to practice.

Once we have received and learned and heard and seen the goodness of Jesus, practice throwing away anxiety by prayer of thanksgiving and dwelling on the excellent things of Jesus.

Because I mean as they say, practice makes perfect. But I think a better representative phrase is practice makes progress.

And that’s the goal.
Until we see Jesus.
Progression of looking and being more like him, thanks to Holy Spirit inside of us.

Wow! Isn’t that just the coolest. God doesn’t leave us to our own vices to try and figure this messy thing called life out. He’s given us His word and its powerful y’all. Its alive and active and shaping and molding believers all over the world.

What grace.

Thank you God for your love for us, Jesus for your obedience and sacrifice, and Holy Spirit that dwells among us and in us!

In Great Love,
Meghan

Eternity is Calling

Well, I tried to think of a bunch of ways to start this blog. Ways that were much more eloquent and clever and compelling. But I have to believe that God’s word and his conviction and teaching of the saints and sinners has to suffice. And actually be way more than enough.

With that being said, MAN, God is teaching me so much right now. Like I’m not trying to be dramatic here and embellish to have something worthy to write, its just simply the truth. But rather than expound to you all of the ways God is revealing himself to me, ill jump right to the meat on the bones of my sanctification currently.

God has completely humbled me with this language barrier, in a way I had hadn’t expected until getting here.

 
Now of course I recognize and tried to prepare for this barrier as much as possible, but what He is teaching me is way beyond any scope I could have foreseen.

I tend to pride myself on being an excellent communicator, only by the grace of God. Thats what I furthered my degree in and everyone pretty much knows it (ouch, theres that pride). With that being said, I arrived here to have my greatest strength become my most evident weakness. I can’t communicate. I don’t speak Spanish nearly to an independent survival capacity. My life right now looks like an everlasting game of charades that I am losing at, TERRIBLY. The doctor at our clinic put words to my sentiment when he described his struggle with english as so:

“Meghan, I am a very expressive person by words. In spanish, I have what I like to think is a very rich, full, and bounding vocabulary. But then, when I try to express myself in English, I feel like a toddler.”

YES. That is it. There is so much I am begging to say but am literally without words to say it. It can feel like such a hindrance in doing my job, progressing in relationships, or even simply wanting to make sure that there are no tomatoes are in my food! Wow! What a humbling position.

But man how much I am learning. What am I really reliant on? Is it really God? Or only the skills He has given me that can clearly be taken away in an instance? Am I truly and undeniably dependent on the Father every hour like I claim to need thee? Or am I ashamedly clinging to myself while “giving God the glory” to sound like a good Christian should.

I say this things so bluntly because I have been hit in the face with these realities so fiercely. And even though it hurts like Hell, I am so thankful.

Because what grace that a God would love me and love us so much that He refuses to let us stay the same. That he would beckon us to more than we are right now. That he would rip those scales right off of our eyes, knowing that it will be painful, blood may shed, and tears may roll, but it is ONLY TEMPORARY. The tears will dry up, the wounds will heal, and the pain that screamed as a warning that something was wrong now serves as a reminder that though sorrow may last for the night, joy comes in the morning. Our present sufferings are to prepare us for eternity. To feel as Christ felt only for a moment, and to stand with Him in glory forever.

“For I consider that the sufferings of the present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.” -Romans 8:18

Wow. He is good. And loves us in ways that will continue to wreck my heart and soul for a lifetime. I pray He never stops chiseling. Never stops using me. Never stops changing me into more like His son Jesus.

May I always be that soft moldable clay being kneaded and shaped in the Potter’s hands.

This season is hard in several ways, but oh is it joyous as ever. In a new avenue, my finite mind is beginning to see what James meant as seeing those trials as joy. But oh do I have such a long way to go. But Ill keep on trying. Goodness, lets all keep on trying, keep on pursuing, keep on running that race.

Because Eternity is calling, and man I want to be ready.

In Great Love,

Meghan

Honduras Info 101: Get your answers HERE!

I have been trying to think of a way to answer the reoccurring questions people have been asking in a concise, clear way.

I decided to write this blog post to 1) do my best at answering these questions (which I love by the way, you guys have blown me away with you eagerness to support!!) & 2) introduce you to the avenue that I will be providing updates to my supporters while I am here and while I am in Honduras.

So without further a do, here are the main questions I have received and the answers to those questions:

1. Why are you going to Honduras and for how long?

 

Jesus. But seriously Jesus. And for now I am committing to 2 years in Honduras starting January 2017. For the story in detail, please take 5 minutes and watch this video testimony! Here

 

2. What Organization (if any) are you going with and what exactly will you be doing there?

 

I will be joining a non-profit organization called Hope 4 Honduras, founded by two missionaries Ron and Shelley Jones. This organization has been established for over 15 years right outside of the capital city Tegucigalpa. This organization is doing incredible work for the Lord through meeting medical, educational, relational, and spiritual needs. My role coming in will be taking over the public relations/communication side of the ministry. I will be helping with all of the mission teams that come to the mission throughout the year and also helping with any media information the organization puts out. All while holding everything with an open hand of what God wants to do. if you want to read more on this incredible organization, here is there website here.

 

3. How can I support this ministry prayerfully and/or financially?

 

-Prayerfully: By subscribing to receive email updates from this blog. On the bottom of my own page, there is a button that says “follow+” and if you click on it, it will prompt you with a place to type in your email. That way you get an email everytime I update this blog, which is where I will post updates and prayer requests frequently!

**This is HUGE! Please wage war with me in prayer for the lives of the people in Honduras!!!**

 

-Financially: To set up a reoccurring or one time gift, here is the website to give. My account code is: H4H-Mzrl.MLM and from there the site is very easy to navigate. Also, a link to the donate page is in the top right hand corner of my blog homepage. If you have any problems at all, please let me know at meghanmazerolle@yahoo.com

 

4. How can I set up a meeting/phone call to learn more?

 

By calling, emailing, texting, facebook messaging, carrier pigeon, etc! I will link all of those avenues below (except not the pigeon, that would be too legit though).

I cannot express HOW MUCH I WANT TO CONNECT WITH YOU PEOPLE. I have specifically prepared financially to be able to take this 6 months before Honduras to be able to sit down face to face with potential supporters and share what God is allowing me to be a part of. Please please PLEASE if you would like to hear more, please do not hesistate to contact. And if you forget, don’t worry, because regardless you’re probably going to hear from me anyway haha! Here is how to reach me

Cell: 903-818-7714

Email: meghanmazerolle@yahoo.com

Facebook: Meghan Leigh Mazerolle

Twitter: @MeghanLeighMaz

Instagram: megmaz

 

And that’s all for this post folks. I want to end this with a verse I came across today that im sure will be a strong tower to lean on in the next several months. I covet your prayers. Thank you in advance for partnering in kingdom work! You are LOVED!

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” -2 Corinthians 12:9

May we never boast in anything less than Jesus Christ and HIS righteousness.

 

In Great Love,

Meghan

 

 

 

Who is your Author?

As I am sitting in a local restaurant on a mundane Saturday afternoon, taking time to be still and listen, I am hit with a chilling question:

What authorizes you?

What authorizes me? Well.

When I think about the word authorize, I think about what has been displayed in my story the most. In the peaks of the story, it has been marked by:

Incredible friendships. Intimate conversation. Obnoxious Laughter. Insane Travel. Deep Communion. Peace. JOY.

But inbetween two peaks, there is always a valley. And running rampant in this story are markers of:

Embarassing breakdowns. Devastating mistakes. Rivers of tears. Itching guilt. Frequent failure. Confusing emotions. Despair. DEFEAT.

Yet, I dont think I’ve really answered the question here. Listed above are the highlights of the chapters I’ve read of the story. The story is written and I am a character. I havent introduced you to the author.

The truth is my story is actually a microscopic spec in a much greater story unfolding. What is the greater story?

The Greater story at play is one that started way before you and me. By the God of the universe who was, and is, and is to come. Who set this world into perfect motion and it took little to no time at all for us humans to do what we do best: mess stuff up. Brokenness entered the world because we thought God was withholding good from us. We didn’t trust Him. And we gave into selfish gain. And the story should have just ended here. With broken relationship between God and man, with restoration inconceivable. With failure flourishing. BUT GOD, being rich in mercy because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ. Jesus, God’s only son, came and fixed the brokenness, because he was the only one that could. Being fully God and fully man he became the perfect sacrifice for redemption and the example-setting empathizer as he endured life’s temptations on earth. Jesus went to Calvary for the very people who started and perpetuated the brokenness abounding and died the death of a criminal with a clean record. And the story could have ended there, but we were only at the climax. The resolution became apparent when Jesus conquered death and rose to life 3 days later. Proving his Lordship and contract-sealing victory over death. Not long after this, He ascended back to heaven, but not before leaving us with a command and a promise: Make disciples and I am with you always, and I will be back again.

So what authorizes me? Well the author. The author of salvation. The author of this story that you and me are merely characters in. He writes my role. He’s written my role. I get to be a part of this story. What?! How stinking awesome. And so freaking undeserving.

And even though our roles in the story all look a little different, they all point to one common theme: Love God, Love People.

How do we do that? We believe God is who He says he is. We experience the freedom that grace gives. We begin to see the world and others differently. We tell people the story. The story bigger than all of us. And pray hard that they see how they fit into the story.

What authorizes you?

“and I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ” -Philemon 1:6

 

 

 

 

 

Pressing In

(I wrote this piece sometime ago and just recently stumbled back upon it. It’s crazy how God knows our hearts and what we need, when we need it. These words depicted a season where my soul had felt so distant from the Lord. These words pierce me again. Thank you Jesus for your grace. Your love is enough. Your love covers me. Jesus, let me press in. Make me.)

Pressing In

My thoughts and heart are overwhelmed by the goodness of Your grace in my life. I can’t do this life on my own. I can’t bear to look within, knowing what I see. I see dirt. I see filthy rags. I see a mess inside of me. A storm raging with no calm sea. I am broken. I hurt. I hurt people. I fill voids with food and other’s affirmation. I long for people to tell me im beautiful, hoping and praying ill finally believe it. I run so far from the foot of the cross its embarrassing. I run so deep into misery I cant see straight. I see how my insecurity seeps out into every aspect of my life. God I am so frustrated. I get so upset. God I know who I am! I KNOW IM YOURS. Why doesn’t it feel like enough sometimes?

 

Because im not pressing in. Im pushing out. Your arms are spread, your knees are bent, ready for my embrace and I look you straight in the eyes and say no. No God. I want another lover. I don’t want a divine romance. I want love, but not yours. I really think that someone else’s affections will satisfy my own.

 

But.

 

Ive tasted and seen of the sweetest of loves where my heart becomes free and my shame is undone. Your presence Lord. I cant kick and scream you away. I am your child. You beckon me by name. Not another name can sound so sweet as Jesus, Abba Father. With my heart racing, blood boiling, palms sweating, knees trembling, I stumble back to where I belong. I make the prodigal son look like a saint. Lord Jesus I am so messed up. But you gather up the wounded blows and the shatterings of my soul and make it new. I am Yours and You’re not going anywhere.

 

And Im here to stay.

Thank GOODness

I wish I could say that I have been intentionally preparing my heart this lent season.

Eagerly diving into His word, delving into the story of Jesus, and arriving at today. 

Good Friday. The day we sing as good as we remember our Savior crucified. 

If I’m honest, I’ve been ridiculously inconsistent. Even with all the great intentions lingering in my heart, less than perfect actions have resulted.

I’ve been distracted, stressed, and seemingly itching to put anything else before my God.

So here we are. Sounds like a Good Friday huh?
Well, actually. It is.
The whole reason I we can even call this Friday GOOD is because He is and I’m not! And this was shown on the cross of Calvary.
The people Jesus died and rose to save are consistently inconsistent. 
Look at Jesus praying in Gethsemane the night before he would be taken to Calvary (Mark 14:32-42). He knows what is coming, begging God to take this cup if it could pass, but ultimately not what He wills, but the Fathers! He is selflessly laying himself down for selfish. WOW, what a savior we have. 

And then we have Peter, James, and John. Jesus asked them to come with him to Gethsemane to pray. And yes while The disciples clearly did not understand what all was about to go down in the next few days, you would think that they would take the words of the Lord to heart and actively pray on His behalf when asked to. 

And what are they doing? Sleeping. Instead of praying like Jesus desired, they fell asleep. Jesus even responded with compassionate instruction by reminding the men that the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. Then Jesus left them, continued to pray, then came back and found Peter, John and James…you guessed it…Sleeping.
Now we can look at the disciples with a few perspectives. On the one hand, we can look and assume that they just don’t care about Jesus’s instructions and seemingly rebelled, because if they did, they clearly wouldn’t have fallen asleep right? They would fight to follow him and pray for him.
On another hand, maybe they really did try to stay awake and pray for Jesus, but felt the exhaustion come over them, got frustrated and just decided “you know what, it’s not worth it, I’m going to just fold and go to sleep.” Maybe once exhaustion hit, excuses and justifications started sounded appealing. The fight felt pointless.
Or maybe they really did fight with all that was in them to stay awake, because they saw the seriousness in which Jesus was carrying himself, even though they didn’t fully understand what all was happening. And even with all the fighting and wrestling, the flesh was so weak. 
But no matter what was the state of their hearts, the reality is, they proved the human condition to still be alive and active: we are broken and inconsistent. And you know what’s crazy? You know what blows my stinking mind?
The fact that regardless of what really happened that night in Gethsemane with Peter, James, and John, Jesus still went to Calvary, and died for them.
Regardless if they rebelled against Jesus in disobedience to his request to pray. 
Regardless if they were first fighting the flesh and then gave up and gave in.
Regardless if they fought with everything in them and they still failed to stay awake.
The beauty here and the truth here is still the same: THIS is why Jesus had to do what he did on Calvary. 
For the rebel without a cause, for the fighter who feels defeated, and for the one who feels so strong, to find out they are weak.
All are in need of a Savior. Not that the reality of our brokenness gives us a license to sin, but it enables us to run to the one who can fix us! We can’t be fixed if we don’t know we are broken.
The rebel needs to see that they can stop running away and run into the embrace of Jesus’s Grace. 
The fighter needs to see that they can keep fighting when they are battling with God’s army and His strength, not his own.
The strong needs to see that He is so weak without the power of Jesus Christ enabling Him.
What a comforting and beautiful truth, that no matter where we are, how we are, and who we are, Jesus sees us and says “Come here, I have life here. Truth life. You can’t do this on your own, you were never meant to. This is why I came, died, and rose again. So you could have access to a life you could never accomplish on your own. So come on, the party of life is waiting! What are you waiting for?!”

And this is all possible because of the redemption story that has been spinning in motion since the moment sin entered.
And today, we reflect on the climax of the story: Good Friday.
Ah, yes. What a GOOD Friday indeed. Thank goodness.

The Middle

Wow, it’s been way too long since me and this blog have rekindled our flame. But to sit down and blog means I have to force myself to sit down and pause and wow has that been a battle this season.
If you know me and know me well, you are fully aware that my life seems to never go “as planned.” And this season has proven to be no different. Without going into details that are not for common knowledge, let me just say this: the past several months have been a complete turnover and has thrown me into a season of life I never expected.
I’m still in Spring, TX for now and I have been learning what it’s like to be a manager in a business. It’s been so humbling, so challenging, and really rewarding all in the same. What’s been the sweetest part (and the hardest) for me is getting to be Jesus outside of vocational ministry. My heartbeat really is for people who would never step foot towards a church and bring Jesus where he is unexpected to be. Well, that is exactly where I am and it’s hard and beautiful. It’s made me realize and understand even deeper that we as believers are all in vocational ministry, we just have to be willing to see our lives uncompartmentalized. Be willing to do life with messy people. That shouldn’t be hard to swallow, because we’re all messy. And God doesn’t require perfection, he just asks for faith.
I’ve had to face some pretty big demons in my life this past season and really see the incredibly need for Godly community. I’m so ignorant to think I can live this surrendered life on my own. That I can muster up enough strength, tell myself enough truth, and love God enough to sustain my vitality. 

Wrong. Wrong Wrong Wrong.
I don’t get ANYTHING right apart from God’s grace. I can’t earn His love or muster it up on my own. God designed us to need HIM! God in His own design (triune God: Father, Son, Holy Spirit) is community. So to strive towards looking like Christ, community is not a suggestion, it’s absolutely necessary. We will never get anywhere close to looking like Our Maker on our own. We fail every time on our own. EVERY. TIME. 
I’ve been so grateful and humbled these past couple of months by the reality that God’s love and grace is not dependent on my performance. Because if it was, I would have lost Him. Period.
Can ya tell it’s been a rough season yet?
But I’m not writing this to receive loads of sympathy. I’m writing this to be real. To show that man this life truly does have its soaring with the Eagles moments and it’s face down in the dirt moments.
BUT. GOD.
We waiver. We fall. We run away. We create space. We slow fade. We chose ourselves.
HE NEVER FAILS. HE IS CONSTANT. HE LOVES RADICALLY. HE IS SCANDALOUS IN HIS PURSUIT OF REDEMPTION. HE CHOOSES US. 
He is MORE. He is ENOUGH. He is more than enough.
This post is way different than my normal writings because I’m usually talking you through a journey with all the highs and lows, but with a fixed beginning and end point. 

But today, I’m writing from the middle. I’m in the middle. I’m standing on the my feet looking back at how inconsistent and wavering my faith has been and yet looking forward seeking to be in deeper intimacy with Jesus. I’m not over the season or over the journey. I’m still in it. Walking one step at a time. Shaking. But sure. Confident that where I’m headed, there is life and life abundant.
The beauty of this position is, this is actually how our whole life is. Looking back at what God’s done and where we’ve been, then striving forward to where He is and where He’s called us to be. Our life is in the middle. He is in the middle. 
Let’s find Him there.
In Great Love,

Meghan

What If I’m Not

It’s easy to wake up everyday and start believing the lie.
Believing that if I dont achieve, receive, or get a degree and land a job that’s a dream then I’m nothing to see.
That if my skin isn’t flawless, my hair on fleek, or have a body like goddess then Im looked over and worthless. 
Say my to-do list is long and my accomplishment short, if my friends are few and my love life’s a bore.
Imagine Im being healed more than Im a healer and instead of becoming wiser Im seeing my need is deeper.
And deeper.

What if i’m not. 
What if I’m not perfect. ever.
What if I’m always struggling, never getting the scale completely balanced.
Running around always feeling defeated by the next challenge.
What if I’m not what everyone wants me to be and I continue to surmise the lies stirring inside of me.
The lies that whisper sharply “Stop, quit trying, you’ll never be enough. Why bother, stop fighting, you’ll never be loved.”
What if I’m not. And never will be. And live haunted internally for the rest of my living.

Or.

What if I’m not, but I know I AM.
What if I fought to believe with all that is in me that I am beloved and cherished by the One True King.
What if I remembered that this life is a battle, so I must keep fighting, but I never lose heart because the war is won by the Almighty.
What if I sank into grace that is big enough to save and swam in the freedom that I’m no longer a slave.
What if I read scripture and took it to heart and told others about the King that left his throne to give us a new start.
What if I truly pondered and concluded, that to try to be self-sufficient would be a life diluted.
What if I’m not enough and what if that’s okay.

My God has called us higher, into a life that he calls abundant.
So what if today I started living like His love was different, like it had the power to slay the enemy present.
What if Im not, but I AM is The Way. 
What if His love is bigger and I can rest in that today.